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Gio's Random Thoughts: Unleash the Beast

Mike Fucito
Mike Fucito

Welcome to the latest installment of "Gio's Random Thoughts". Every week, I will unleash some observations about what the Impact and the MLS. Some good, some bad, some ugly. So kick back, relax, pop some popcorn and enjoy!

* In three games, Davy Arnaud has played RB, LM, CM, RM and F. What's next? GK? Can we just send him out on the field next game wearing a cape?

* Justin Braun needs to take a timeout. I don't know if it is his confidence or something else, but he's not bringing it like he should. He's not physical enough, he's late on the ball. He's missing the "Eye of the Tiger" Maybe he needs a stint with the reserves... or a talk with Sylvester Stallone...

* It's time to release Mike Fucito, aka ‘the Pitbull', from his cage. When I think of Fucito and what he can bring to the Impact, I think of the movie Jerry McGuire and the following quotes:

* Heart? I'm all heart *expletive*

* I am a valuable commodity! I go across the middle! I see a dude coming at me, trying to kill me, I tell myself "Get killed, catch the ball" BOO YA TOUCHDOWN I make miracles happen.

* Can Duke University give Andrew Wenger his diploma a little early? Come on, he’s been a great student for the last few years, will the last couple of months really change anything? NO! Let him graduate now! We need him! (To kids reading this post... stay in school!)

* Repeat after me... Nyassi is not a forward... Nyassi is not a forward... Nyassi is not a forward...

* While the US U23 squad was losing to the Canadian U23s, Eddie Johnson (whom we traded to Seattle for Mike Fucito and Lamar Neagle) tweeted:

"What the (expletive) the USA losing to Canada we never lose to them!!"

Great attitude there Johnson. All I have to say is... Thank you Jesse and Nick for not keeping him here.

* So the Impact had last year’s "MLS Ref of the Year" during the Columbus game. Really? How bad is the worst ref?

* Speaking of the ref, I’m wondering if he is anti-peace... I mean he gave Jeb Brovsky a straight red for a violent elbow. First off, the elbow wasn’t violent. Second, Brovsky founded an organization called "Peace Pandemic"! Being violent is kind of... you know... against his principles. That is what you kids on twitter call a "#EpicFail"

* Very disappointed to hear that Marsch won’t contest Brovsky’s red card. I understand him when he says that you have to pick your battles. This is one where I’d take the bazooka out of the closet.

* Last week, one of my random thoughts were:

"I understand that it’s an Olympic year but can we please have Zarek Valentin with the team for more than 3 days at a time? Maybe the U-23 US National team should send all Impact fans a free Valentin jersey as a thank you for our patience. Or a fruit basket. Or some Oreos."

I guess that the US U23 team didn’t have the budget to send a Valentin jersey to every fan so they did the next best thing... they failed to qualify just so they can send us Zarek back. Does this mean the fans should send a gift basket to Caleb Porter? Should we start a collection at the next home game?

* I wonder if Zarek will get the start against the Red Bulls or if we will see the debut of big Calum Mallace.

* I don’t like Donovan Ricketts in neon orange. Looks like a huge road cone. We have too many of those in Montreal. I love Soccer and the Impact but I don’t need to be reminded of how bad our streets are for 90 mins.

* Bernardo Corradi deserves to play a full 90 mins. The whole team seems to have an extra gear on the offensive side of the ball when he’s on the field.

* As part of the Crew’s sponsorship deal with Barbasol, Columbus should have a clean shave policy. I guess Eddie Gaven is more of a Gillette man.

* During the Seattle – Dynamo game, Houston midfielder Colin Clark fired a homophobic slur at a Seattle ball boy. Sure, he apologized after the game but I hope Garber bans him for at least 3 games. Not a financial punishment, he should be banned (MLS players, in general, aren’t paid millions so a few thousand doesn’t teach enough of a lesson). I feel bad for the ball boy. Seriously. It’s not like ball boy is the most glorious position in the world. No woman has ever said: "My boyfriend is the ball boy!" In fact, he should get 3 games for the slur plus 1 more just so the kid can go around saying "That’s right, that 4th game is from me. How do you like me now?"